


i have no room for anyone else but you,

by tousled



Category: How to Train Your Dragon (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Arranged Marriage, F/M, Family Duty, Other characters are mentioned briefly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-14
Updated: 2017-08-14
Packaged: 2018-12-11 01:40:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11704149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tousled/pseuds/tousled
Summary: “We’re so proud of you,” Hoffersons say, merry in their feasting and heavy handed in their shoulder slaps. Proud, Astrid baulks, but she doesn’t know how to break their hearts, how to sort this out. They’re proud of a farce, proud of something she barely did. All she wants is their pride, to be enough, to be what restores the family honour and she doesn’t know how to let anyone down. Her goals have never been so conflicting before.There’s only one person she’s always been enough for, as herself.





	i have no room for anyone else but you,

**Author's Note:**

> for anon, who asked for a tuffstrid "we can never be together" kiss, was for the httydrarepair kiss meme week but obviously this is super late haha. 
> 
> the arranged marriage/minor hiccstrid is a background plot point and is the driving force of the angst. it's a whole duty/choice dichotomy concept, of which i _love_. more info that general headcanon of "arranged marriage" is [here](http://despiteherself.tumblr.com/post/128550224729/eh-eh-u-know-those-like-posts-that-are). there's no real happy ending so !! angst !! 
> 
> title from weekends by amy shark. a lot of amy shark is tuffstrid,,, it's Good. 
> 
> i don't have a beta reader, and this is a slightly disjointed set of scenes slipped together so if anything doesn't make sense, please let me know. also, just any general comments/etc!! i'd love to hear what you think. especially the anon who prompted, i hope you like it!

**i. things you said when we on top of the world.**

The cliff just, falls away to nowhere, drops straight down to jagged rocks and waves so wild they're like half mad yaks. With her legs hooked over the edge, every time Astrid peers downwards she feels dizzy with it all. It's exhilarating in a way she can't find the words to explain, a feeling that settles deep inside, seeping right the way to the very extremities of her fingers and toes, making her feel light and bubbly. 

 

Tuff perches right on the edge, feet mostly off the cliff face and sticking out into space. He looks flimsy, half about to topple down and down and down. He's grinning wildly, eyes wide and cheeks flushed as an up draft knots up his hair. 

 

"I could just like, jump." He says, holding out his arms, hands spread out into the wind. "It'd probably be like flying. Soaring, maybe." 

"You'd be dead," Astrid deadpans, reaching out to grip onto his bicep, just in case. 

 

"Yeah, I guess," He concedes, but he doesn't settle back into sitting properly. He keeps leaning too far forward, too close to slipping and Astrid won't ever tell anyone how her heart rattles around in her throat. 

 

"You guess." Astrid rolls her eyes. Some thick, biting words curl in the pit of her stomach, urging her to spew out of mouthful of rude words all tumbled together but she only manages a fond "you absolute idiot." 

 

Tuff is all limbs and a curling smile, wild and untamed. He elbows Astrid in the side as they take the winding path back to the village and tries to convince her about some ridiculous plan that includes destroying someone else's property. Although she's no longer on the cliff edge, no longer dizzy with vertigo, her heart doesn't seem to want to come back down. 

 

 

 

**ii. things you said when you were drunk**

Astrid doesn't like the taste, nor the smell of the ale Snotlout snuck out from the Mead Hall. But, she likes the way she feels to heavy and too light all at once. The gang are sprawled out in a small alcove protected by rocks, passing the ale bottle around and staring drunkenly up at the sky, commenting on the strange shapes they're making with the stars. 

 

Snotlout said the barmaid had let him take the ale, handing a basket and everything over. He's really the youngest out of them, boasting about how manly he is to seem more. Tuff's all warm and floppy against Astrid's side, laughing into her neck because he'd been the distraction as Ruff passed bottles through the window to Snotlout. 

 

"Another one?" Ruff asks, already prying the lid off and Astrid's not sure that a bunch of kids could actually handle another pitcher of ale. Fishlegs is already asleep, snoring and possibly drooling. Snotlout looks a bit green, he's probably going to hurl and Hiccup's point blank refused to drink at all. 

 

Ruff opens the bottle anyway, taking a swig bfore trying to goad Hiccup into a sip. Finally, he relents, taking barely half a mouthful before spitting the ale everywhere. The twins both burst into laughter, the noise spilling out into the warm night air. Tuff laughs so hard he falls forwards into the sand, landing with a painful-sounding smack and that sets Ruff and Hiccup off. 

 

"Fuck all of you," Tuff says, cheerful lilt to his voice even as he's spitting sand out. A rather large globule of sand and spit lands too close to Snotlout and he turns even greener, shifting away. 

"Gross man," Snotlout says, and refuses the ale as it gets shoved towards him again. Tuff takes the bottle, taking a large gulp and holds it out to Astrid as he settles down, spread out in the sand, head in her lap. 

 

The ale tastes just as bad as before, but Astrid puts back another mouthful, handing the bottle back over towards Ruff. She feels heady and slow, eyelids blinking closed and her hand gravitates to the mess of knotted hair scrunched up in her lap. It's kind of gross, so her fingers just rest against Tuff's wispy fringe and he squints up at her. 

 

"Think every other boy in this village is like, in love with you." He says in the Thorston equivalent of a whisper, but it's okay because Fishlegs is still asleep and Hiccup's helping Snotlout back up the beach. Besides, it's not like Astrid didn't already know that. 

"Yeah?" She hums, not really interested in the conversation. 

"Mhmm," Tuff agrees, noise buzzing in the back of his throat, "always going on about how pretty you are. It wasn't that long ago they all thought you had cooties." 

 

"Do you think I'm pretty?" it's not the part she means to get stuck on, but it reverberates around in her drink heavy limbs like a question trying to borrow it's way out. 

"Do  _you_ think  _I'm_ pretty?" Tuff wriggles his eyebrows, stupid grin on his face. 

 

"What? Is my prettiness conditional?" Astrid's  _offended,_ in a sort of ridiculous way and she laughs, thinking of course it'd be some sort of trade off.

"Nah, but since we're asking." Tuff shrugs, and it's kind of awkward and his shoulders dig into her legs so she gives him a shove. 

 

"Uh, sure." Astrid says, and up close he really is, in an odd sort of way. His pale eyelashes are long, swooping over eyes the colour of the midday sky and freckles peppering his cheeks and chin. 

"You're the prettiest," he announces, "and the strongest and like, super smart and they all don't really know all that much about you." 

 

"Yeah well, I knew that already." Astrid says. She feels so heavy, too heavy, too sleepy. Tuff hums some sort of noncommittal agreement and settles down like he's going to fall asleep there, head in Astrid's lap. In half an hour or so, she'll push his dead weight onto the sand but for the moment she leans back against the rock and states out at the stars. 

 

 

 

**iii. things you said at the great hall table**

 

Upon sitting down, Tuff bumps his elbow into Astrid's with a grin. The knife she'd been using to gouge out holes in the bench top goes skittering out over the wood, drawing a jagged line. She stares at the pattern it makes, unbothered by it and goes back to gouging out a new hole. 

 

"You gonna ruin the table all day?" Tuff asks, leaning forward and tracing silly little patterns into the marks Astrid has left. It's shaping out to be some sort of stylised dragon. 

"Was thinking about axe practice later." Astrid sniffs, knocking Tuff's hand out of the way to continue on with the wing. 

 

There's a long moment of mostly silence; just the scratching of the knife digging into the table and the deep huffs of Tuff's breath. It does nothing to settle the bubbling of her emotions, nothing to fix all this mess of a problem. Tuff sighs, loudly and exaggeratedly. 

 

"Hiccup's not really worth getting  _that_ upset over." He drawls, vowels drawn out into a mostly teasing set of syllables. It's specific, intentional. Astrid doesn't understand why he doesn't want anyone to know he can be sharp as a tack, far too perceptive for his own good. Everyone treats the twins like they're stupid, but really, the both of them are whip smart when they want to be. 

"I'm not  _that_ upset." Astrid rolls her eyes but even if he didn't already know, the next stab of her knife into wood would give her away. 

 

"I mean, he's  _Hiccup,._ " Tuff continues, like it's a meaningful phrase. It's kind of a village joke, but Tuff  _likes_ Hiccup, even if it's for reasons Hiccup hates, so Astrid doesn't know what Tuff means. 

"He's hidingsomething." Astrid shrugs, he disappears into the forest a lot now. It's weird. "No one gets that good at dragon killing overnight, especially not Hiccup." 

 

"You're always still gonna be best, you know?" Tuff says. It's accompanied with the Thorston equivalent of a winning smile; so utterly, completely disarming. Astrid's charmed, for a second or two. 

"Whatever," she says, instead of anything else. Her heart is thumping around in her heart stupidly, and she drops the knife, pushing out and away from the table. 

 

"I'm still gonna go axe throwing though," she says. Tuff being so nice doesn't fix the cauldron of fizzing, bubbling emotion boiling over her insides. When he stays seated, she throws a look over her shoulder and "you coming or not?" 

 

He's brighter than the sun, sometimes. It's more than Astrid can stand. 

 

 

 

 

**iv. things you said that i wish you hadn't**

 

"So..." Tuff trails off, a little out of breath from running to catch up to Astrid. And, it's a little so he can wiggle his eyebrows instead of continuing the sentence like he thinks Astrid knows exactly what he means. Astrid does, in fact, know exactly what he means.  

 

"So what?" She prompts. She's not going to say it herself; she's been asked about it all day and honestly, the last person she wants to talk about it with is  _Tuffnut._

"You and Hiccup ay?" He grins, like he's  _happy_ about it and Astrid wants this conversation over. 

 

"What about me and Hiccup?" She's going to regret asking this, she just knows it. Her stomach feels heavy, weighing her right down into the ground. "It's not like there's really anything." 

"Not like there's anything!" Tuff squawks into a laugh, slinging an arm around Astrid's shoulder. She wants to shrug it off, feeling the furthest away from her best friend that she's ever has. "You like, kissed him in front of the  _whole_ village. That's like, a marriage proposal or something." 

 

It feels like a punch to the stomach when it's said like that. So casually, so enthusiastic. So bloody  _forward,_ which is the entirely every part of the situation at hand. Astrid kissed Hiccup. In front of the entire village, and maybe it's not really an issue at all. Maybe the issue is that it  _isn't_ one. 

 

"That's gross, it was like one kiss. Whatever." Astrid shrugs, slipping out from under Tuff's arm and glares at him. He's not  _bothered,_ and maybe that's the real issue. 

"Right." He laughs, wiggling his eyebrows again like it's going out of fashion. "You're like, totally cute together. I mean, he's not good enough for you, but he's alright now especially with all that training dragons stuff." 

 

"And who  _is_ good enough for me?" Astrid doesn't want to know but she keeps poking the beast, what's one more poke? 

"I don't know," Tuff shrugs, "Probably no one. But, future Chief Hiccup who like, totally saved our arses from being eaten by dragons seems up there." 

 

Astrid doesn't know what to think, doesn't  _want_ to think about it too deeply. 

 

 

 

 

**v. things you said under the stars and in the grass**

 

Everything feels so desperate now, like time and meaning and control is slipping through Astrid's fingers. It was one little action, or two perhaps, but it was born out of confusion and it's tumbling into way more. 

 

Sometimes, Hiccup sends Astrid secret little smiles and Astrid has no idea what they mean. It makes her feel sick. Things are fucked up. 

 

"We're so proud of you," Hoffersons say, merry in their feasting and heavy handed in their shoulder slaps.  _Proud,_ Astrid baulks, but she doesn't know how to break their hearts, how to sort this out. They're proud of a farce, proud of something she barely did. All she wants is their pride, to be  _enough,_ to be what restores the family honour and she doesn't know how to let anyone down. Her goals have never been so conflicting before. 

 

There's only one person she's always been enough for, as herself. 

 

"Tuff," Astrid whispers, pushing the window to the twin's landing in a little further. It squeaks even more, a horrible shrill little noise that probably wakes everyone up in the entire house. 

"What," He calls out groggily, shifting under his yak rug. Astrid wants to throw something at him. 

 

"Get up, I need to talk to you." She gets out of the framing before her step up moves and she bobs back down away from the window.

"Ugh," Tuff says. 

 

"Sorry girl," Astrid placates, rubbing at Stormfly's neck scales. They're waiting a long moment, Astrid whispering affection at Stormfly and Stormfly preening under the attention, before Tuff drops out of the same window half dressed. 

 

"Hmm?" He says, crouched up against the house wall. His hands are propping his face up, the bleariest try at an interested look peeking between his wild hair. 

"Are you asleep?" Astrid huffs, instead of letting any of that  _fondness_ she feels escape. If it gets out, it might not ever stop - she might never be able to rein it back. 

 

"Yeah, a little bit." Tuff shrugs, wiping his face with the back of a hand. He shudders a little in the night chill, totally under dressed in a sleeping tunic and britches. If Astrid opens her mouth, it feels like all the fond will come pouring out, all the bubbling, seething emotion tucked away in all the spare spaces in her body. It feels like she's running out of room now. 

 

"Here," she manages, holding out her cloak. Tuff makes a funny little pleased sound, sticking his hands out to grab at it. He unbalances himself, wobbling for a moment before dropping to the ground with a small thump. Hooking the cloak over her elbow, Astrid offers him a hand up and he barely dusts off before slipping the cloak on. It's then, exaggerating the cosiness of Astrid's cloak he realises Stormfly's here too. 

 

Stormfly, much like Astrid's stomach, is a traitor because Tuff knows all the best places to scritch and the sweetest words to ladle onto her. 

 

All of Astrid's life is so intertwined with Tuffnut, she's not sure where she starts and where he ends anymore. 

 

"Hey, come on, you're spoiling her." Astrid's not really complaining, but she is here for a reason.   
"And who deserves all the spoiling in the world?" Tuff directs the question mostly at Stormfly, voice pitched higher and expressions exaggerated even more than usual. 

"Stormfly," Astrid replies, anyway. And then adds, "come on, let's go for a fly." 

 

Tuff settles right up against Astrid's back, face pressed into her shoulder blades and cloak tucked around the both of them as much as possible. He tucks his arms around her middle; his hands holding on his elbows, the tips of two fingers pressing into Astrid's left hip. The warmth of him, pressed up tight against her back feels almost too hot, too much compared to the icy chill in the air. 

 

Even in the dark, Stormfly darts around at break neck speed, Astrid's trusting hand on her neck. It's colder higher up, and Tuff's forehead is like a brand on the skin of the back of Astrid's neck. They lap the island before Stormfly zeros in on a clearing she likes the look of. 

 

They land soft, a careful flutter of wings dropping them down with precision and care. "Good girl," Astrid murmurs, rubbing a hand along Stormfly's side one they dismount. Stormfly preens under the attention, especially when Tuff starts piling it on too. She stamps happily, rubbing up against his hands before shuffling over to flatten parts of the clearing to snuggle down onto. 

 

"Stargazing, aw yeah!" Tuff says, bow legged for a second as he steps over to the patch of grass Stormfly stamped down. He props himself down by her side, leaning on her flank, head tipped back. A moment later his arm darts up and away from his side, like it's got a mind of it's own, and offers half the cloak back to Astrid. 

"Yeah," Astrid breathes, slipping into the space, tucked up into his side. She's got to half turn into him to get the cloak tucked around properly. 

 

If, he'd been Hiccup, there'd have been a million and one questions -  _Why are we here? What are we doing here? What's going on? Why are we going for a fly in the middle of the night? Should I get Toothless?  -_ but he's not. And he doesn't ask anything. Astrid reaches up and tucks her hand into Tuff's. 

 

"See that one A," Tuff points with their joined hands, but Astrid has no idea what star he means at all. "That's the top point of the celestial axe." 

"Hmm?" Astrid doesn't think that's a real thing, but it doesn't matter. Tuff  _gets_ her, gets she needs this talking, gets she's got something to say but it's 

 

"Yeah, you can follow the line down to find the bottom point," He continues and Astrid feels a little bad for interrupting but it's going to burst out. 

 

"The whole thing, you know, with Hiccup or whatever, it's not really a thing?" She blurts, mostly into the side of his neck. In the shadowy night, it looks long and pale, like she should press her lips to his pulse point. 

"Oh, okay." Tuff says, like he's not really heard her. It takes a moment, Astrid counts the breaths, but he does a double take. "What?" 

 

"I mean, it's a  _thing,_ " She starts, feeling uncharacteristically nervous, "but not really. A thing because everyone thinks it's a thing, but not really a thing on my end, you know? Or it kind of is, but not in the same way." 

"Oh," Tuff says. There's a pause, and then "want me to beat Hiccup up?" 

 

"Odin, no," Astrid laughs, pressing closer, "I just needed to tell someone. I don't really feel in control, you know? Of all this, like everything's running away from me. Kind like I'm all unbalanced." 

 

"Good, because like, you could definitely do that yourself, I wouldn't know the best way to do it." Tuff starts, brow twisted into a serious little frown. "I  _could_ prank him, I might do it anyway. Ruff and I could put itchy straw in his saddle, or give Toothless dragon nip. Then  _everyone_ would be feeling unbalanced?" 

 

"Thanks," Astrid does press her lips to his jaw, just a second, and nudges him to continue his star explanations. 

 

 

 

 

**vi. things you said that made me feel like shit**

 

Hiccup's still squeezing Astrid's hand the moment she feels eyes on them. He's smiling, something both soft and sharp and Astrid doesn't know what exactly makes her uncomfortable. He lingers, hand heavy in her's and then, glances up and over Astrid's shoulder. As a parting gift, he darts in to kiss her cheek. 

 

"Hey Tuff," Hiccup smiles, nodding at the Thorston boy off to their left. He squeezes Astrid's hand one more time before stepping off. 

"H," Tuff nods, hands shoved down in his pockets, shoulders hunched. 

 

There's a whole heap of silence as Astrid turns, half looking at Tuffnut. Nothing's wrong, per se, but it feels very much like she's been caught doing something she's not supposed to be doing. It probably feels, confusing at best, after conversations and conversations in the whispered dark about the situation. It's not a thing - her and Hiccup - but it is, and it seems to be happening and Tuff's the only person in the world who knows it's  _hard._

 

"So what's the truth, A?" Tuff asks, tone a tad sharper than normal and it  _stings._ Astrid steps back, hands up defensively automatically. 

 

 _The truth is_ , Astrid thinks,  _I've only ever been in love with you. But I'd do a million tough things for my family; this is the way it has to be._

"Your family's not like mine." She says instead. A Thorston will  _never_ know what it's like to be a Hofferson, they're planes of reality away. "There are things we'd sacrifice for who we are, for the greater good. Things that ultimately don't matter for doing other, more important things." 

"Hoffersons can be so hoity-toity." Tuff sniffs. 

 

"Just because Thorstons are so low tier nothing bothers them doesn't mean everyone else has to act like social standing is irrelevant." It's unfair, it's mean. It's downright fucking cruel, butAstrid's just a mess lately, it all comes tumbling out. She doesn't even actually mean it, not in her heart, but enough of her does that it's not entirely untrue.

 

Tuff doesn't even blink. "Well, I'd always rather be a Thorston than a Hofferson, anyway." 

 

"Take that back," Astrid demands, before she knows what she's saying. Tuff sniffs again, exaggeratedly, turning around to saunter off. Astrid's hands ball up into fists all on their own, "take that back Thorston." 

"No thanks," He throws back, half over his shoulder. 

 

 

 

 

**vii. things you said with two many miles between us**

 

  _Hey,_ Astrid thinks as she watches the twins step past her again to sit over by Snotlout instead. It's been going on for weeks, and honestly, Astrid thought Tuff'd have forgotten or forgiven by now. Thorstons usually do. 

 

"Something up?" Hiccup asks, settling his bowl of mutton down beside Astrid. 

"Just, you know, Thorston stuff." Astrid stirs her own dinner, watching the unappealing mess ripple with the movement. Hiccup makes an annoying sort of 'aha,' noise like he knows exactly what that's like and Astrid rolls her eyes. Hiccup doesn't even  _wish_ he knew what that was like, it's super condescending, really. 

 

"Actually, I'm gonna," Astrid starts, pushing her bowl of mutton away from herself and gesturing at nothing in particular. She stands up and Hiccup starts to as well, and by  _Odin's beard_ does this kid ever fucking let up. She puts a hand on his shoulder, holding him in place. "Stay, eat your dinner, I'm okay." 

 

For a moment, Hiccup looks like he's going to follow anyway. Astrid grits her teeth, reading to snap but he stays put. She pushes the great hall door open and slips out. It's cold, like Berk normally is, but that's all her mind can focus on. Cold air, cold ground, cold bite in the wind. Cold heart. 

 

She's perched up on the ridge overlooking the harbour when she realises someone  _did_ follow her. But, it's an okay someone. Astrid feels the corner of her mouth quirk in a way she definitely didn't give it permission to. Tuff's mouth responds in kind and he steps in closer. He's a hair's breadth away, but it feels like a million miles. 

 

"I'm like, - I didn't mean it like that." Astrid says, staring out at the harbour instead of at him. She wants to say sorry, because she kind of means that too but it might kill her if he's not sorry about it at all. If he really doesn't ever want to be a Hofferson at all. 

"You did," Tuff shrugs. 

 

"Yeah well, I didn't mean to hurt you." She starts, staring down at her hands, bunching up the bottom of her tunic. 

"You did," Tuff repeats and Astrid turns back. She wants to disagree, wants to say he's got her all wrong, but he barely ever has. "It's okay A, you did, that's who you are. It's fine. You can't really hurt me that much anyway." 

 

"Well, I regret it." Astrid says, and that's the truth. The whole truth, not even a half lie at one point in time. Tuff says nothing, a smile darting up his face in a lightning flash before it turns into more, thoughtful silence. Astrid steps closer. 

 

"You look cold," Tuff announces. 

"Don't," Astrid warns, but a moment later she has a freezing cold nose poking into her neck and an armful of warmth. 

 

 

  
   
**viii. things you said after i kissed you**

 

"Well," Tuff says, his pale eyelashes are fluttery and he can't seem to concentrate on anything, lips shiny and slick. "That's new." 

 

A long, drawn out sob of a laugh gets caught in Astrid's throat.  _Fuck,_ she thinks and twists her hand back up in his shirt. She doesn't know what to do, doesn't know how to deal with wide eyed completely, utterly  _oblivious_ Tuff. 

 

"Odin, you're so fucking stupid," she breathes. He raises his eyebrows, still so confused and Astrid kisses him again. He's clueless and bewildered, but he eases into the kiss, fingertips light against Astrid's jaw. 

 

He's far too gentle. In any moment of weakness, of letting herself fantasise that Astrid's ever had Tuff was all teeth and force. Too much, too wild, like everything he does, but he's tender and that's  _truly_  too much. He's so soft; so, so gentle and Astrid's heart might just shatter into a thousand pieces. 

 

It's - 

 

She shouldn't be doing this. They shouldn't be doing this, they  _can't._

Astrid lets go of Tuff's shirt and grabs at his face, tucking her fingers too tight behind his jaw and pulls. Tuff jolts, hands landing against her side as their teeth clack. He won't hurry it up, kisses at the scrape against her bottom lip he'd accidentally made as she tried to climb inside of him. It's frustrating and perfect and this is where Astrid wants to be, forever, more than anything. 

 

He pulls away, again, because he's  _good_ even though he tries not to be and says "what about Hiccup?" 

"Don't," Astrid says, it's not a thing, but it's going to be and she wants to pretend, just for a moment, she can do and be what she wants. 

 

It's like, flying. It's soaring. Just for a moment, before the drop down. 

 

 

 

 

 

**iix. things you never said at all**

 

Astrid doesn't know where to look. If she looks at anyone she's going to be sick. 

 

Hiccup's - well, Hiccup's  _beaming._

 

So is just about everyone else and that's the problem. Everyone's so fucking happy and there's one chance in a million that Astrid will get to be and he's sitting up the second to back row with his sister, not saying an Odin damned thing. 

 

"Astrid," Gobber prompts, looking at her with worry bunching up his eyebrows and Astrid looks back, smile two sizes too small for her mouth. Hiccup's smile is  _real._ It makes her feel even more fake; even more like this should be a nightmare instead of just the grave she dug herself. 

"I uhm," she looks over again, right at Tuff, but he's still not saying a thing. "I do." 

 

 


End file.
